What will I do for myself as a woman today? What special thing will I do? I don't know. My life is sort of on hold while waiting for one of my precious cats to tell me her time is up. I am sad, exhausted, not really wanting to cry. She is 17-1/2 years old and not eating. She is barely drinking, and her weight is about 4 lbs. She is a bag of bones. But she rallied a little overnight. Perhaps she just wants a little more time. I won't deny her that.
So what is a Year of Perfume going to be about? Well, it's about me as a woman. I have set my femaleness aside for a long time. It's not that I haven't cared about myself, but that life sometimes is much more pressing and important than having on makeup or making sure my clothes were feminine. While my body is female and my sexuality is female, I look in the mirror and don't see female. I just see a person whose external sex is irrelevant to the being. Somewhere I have lost that part of me.
In the Bible, Esther perfumed herself for a whole year before being presented to the king. This is my year of perfume. This is my year of finding the woman in me again.
First of all, thank you for welcoming me to your beautiful new blog. Secondly, I am so sorry for the impending loss of your dear companion. As you know, I am a cat lover and cannot imagine my life without my Mr. Bing. I pray you will be comforted by knowing you gave her the absolute best life possible and that she enjoyed you as much as you've enjoyed her. This will be a difficult loss and I'm here for you if you need a shoulder.
ReplyDeleteLastly, I just want to say how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out, you are just amazing! We did not know each other before I contacted you from 3,000+ miles away in a panic to ask if you might consider printing off 600 icing sheets for me... But you came through just like I'd expect a friend of 30 years to come through for me. I'll always be grateful and I'll always consider you my friend.
I'm with you on this journey! I've just dropped 73 pounds on the CLEAN program and am delighted to be rediscovering the feminine/girlie side of who I am. I wish you the best and hope you know how excited I am for all I know you'll accomplish!
Thanks for your kind comments, Janet!
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